Glowing up isn't fun.

It has been a little while since I've written an opinion post. I listened to a podcast episode a couple weeks ago (click here to listen), which really inspired me to write about this topic. In this generation, the "glow up" transformation is often glorified and romanticized without regard for what the process actually entails. Today I just wanted to share my thoughts on my experience going through growth and character development. This will only be brief, as I could talk about this for AGES. If you want a more in-depth discussion on it, I would HIGHLY recommend listening to the 'To My Sisters' podcast episode. I agreed with absolutely everything mentioned, and some of those points will be made in this article today. 

Disclaimer: As mentioned this is an opinion post and is based on my own experience, so it may differ to yours. Everybody's journey of growth varies, so please bare that in mind when reading this.

I guess the first thing to get into is to outline what a "glow up" is. I don't believe there is a set definition of what glowing up is, so without a universally understood meaning, it leaves the whole idea itself as pretty vague. Glowing up can be assigned to many different areas of life, in many capacities. For some, it may solely be physical change. For example, having clear skin, losing/gaining weight etc. For others it is beyond physical and falls into financial, spiritual or emotional development. The one thing we do know is that glowing up is a process of change for the better. Whatever better looks like to you personally. We see quotes, Tik Toks, YouTube videos etc talking about the glow up, sharing the results of the glow up, and encouraging others to embark on the journey, however one thing we don't tend to get invited to is the process. There is nothing wrong with making the process personal, and choosing to let people in once you've gotten closer to your end goal, however it can make things slightly problematic when the results are made public, as the audience will only see the finished product without the graft. That leaves room to compare ourselves to something we have no true knowledge about. This is a whole separate issue that I could go into another day, but the main thing I want to get at is that lack of transparency leads to false expectations.

The truth is, yes the RESULT of growth and change is beautiful, but the process can be anything but. This is especially true when it comes to emotional growth. It can take a lot of unlearning, accountability and discomfort. For a truly successful emotional glow up, you have to be prepared to deep dive into past trauma, evaluate your own faults or the faults of those you surround yourself with, and generally just be extremely vulnerable. All those things take a lot of strength and courage. It takes a lot of pain. One thing said in the podcast episode that resonated with me so much was that sometimes you have to go down before you can glow up. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom before you're on cloud 9. That's reality. Growing pains are REAL and it makes the process ugly. 

I'm a firm believer that sometimes healing pains hurt just as much as the wound. It can be difficult to discern the difference between the two until you see the change and healing on the surface. That means the glow up process also takes immense patience, which again isn't talked about enough on social media. We see the result of the graft, which is fantastic of course but how many times did they have to fail first? How many times did they almost give up? What did they have to lose to gain what they did? Truth is, glowing up can also mean letting go. Unfortunately it isn't always about letting go of things you WANT to let go either. Sometimes it is letting go of the very things that give you comfort. It is letting go of bad habits you've disguised as quirks or "just a part of who you are". It's letting go of people you never thought you would. It's having to disappoint others for the sake of your own growth. Glowing up doesn't just affect you but those around you too. If your loved ones aren't able to adapt to the changes you make, you end up outgrowing relationships in your life. People don't talk about how lonely glowing up can potentially be if you don't have strong counsel who support you through it. I'm blessed and fortunate enough to have friends and family that support me through change, but I've also had to end some relationships or even watch people ghost when they don't think they fit into my life anymore. It can hurt to have to let people walk away, but it's also a part of the journey. 

Pinterest will paint the glow up as a beautiful, pristine picture that came together effortlessly, but real growth can take a lot of mistakes, mess and time. It's not always linear either. Just because you've fallen back into a bad habit, it doesn't mean you've failed, it's just a part of the process. Social media may not tell you that but it's all a part of your story. Every big corporation has a journey to their success and so do we as individual people. You have good days and you have some not so good ones too. The not so good ones are still important. That's when we learn the most and can see the change when it comes. I've made many mistakes but I take them all as a win once I see how they contribute to the process. At the time I may be super down about it but soon enough I'm thankful I went through those things because I ended up stronger and wiser than prior. I'm not saying I enjoy failing because I definitely don't, however I do try to embrace the moments in my life where I could have done better. It also makes those successes a lot more satisfying when you've had to work extra hard to get there. You treasure those milestones so much more when the walk hasn't been easy. 

One of my favourite quotes is "If you are better than you were, you can be better than you are". Not only does it encourage me to keep growing, even if I've met my goals, but it pushes me to not give up when things get tough. It can be tempting to quit when things get uncomfortable but sometimes that's the exact moment you need to push harder. I've never been through labour and I don't go to the gym, but I'm pretty sure it's when the contractions get stronger that the midwife will tell you to push harder, And I'm pretty sure it's when your body burns, that you should keep going during a workout. Sometimes pushing through pain is how the birth of something special happens, and muscle starts to build. Discomfort SUCKS, I hate it, but it's necessary. I say this as someone who highly dislikes getting out their comfort zone but never regrets it when I eventually do. Believe me, this is a reminder to myself too. 

The glow up isn't always beautiful, but it can lead to something stunning. If you're in a process of growth and healing, please be kind to yourself and remember that transformation takes time and sometimes pain.  Don't let social media fool you into thinking you're doing the glow up process wrong. It's not always fun but it's always worth it. 

Thanks for reading, 

Have a great day x