So, I was responding to a story by Aimée (check out her blog and Instagram because she is the sweetest), and it really sparked sudden inspiration to write a blog post. If you had told me this time last year, that we would end up in a global pandemic, resulting in a third national lockdown, I would not believe you. It's truly a bizarre situation that sounds like it came straight out of a wattpad novel. But here we are. We're living in very strange times and everything is all up in the air. Our Prime Minister seems to be struggling to control....well anything to be honest, we've made barely any progression since the first lockdown in March BUT we're expected to just pretend like it's not changing everything. Here is the truth that too many people seem to be glossing over. Things have changed and it will never be the same. Extremely hard pill to swallow. The toughest steak to chew. The hardest carb to digest. We're expected to just carry on as normal, as if things aren't changing rapidly everyday. This blog post is essentially just some encouragement and advice on how to cope with that.
Disclaimer: How YOU deal with this pandemic is completely up to you. We are all going through the same experience but from different angles and lenses. Don't feel pressured to deal with things a certain way, because it seems like that is the way to do it. Don't feel silly for struggling more than the person next to you may be. Don't feel like you have to be "productive" and carry on like nothing is happening, if that isn't helping you get through it. Even though what I'm about to tell you really changed things for me and did wonders, doesn't mean you have to do it. This is your own experience, so handle it the way you think is best.
So, I've got the hard truth out of the way, but lets get a little deeper. We all have a vision of what we want life to look like and how we think it will go. This pandemic has truly taught us that no matter how much we think we are in control of our life, ultimately we aren't. We don't get to choose how life goes but we do have this wonderful ability to adapt. Adapting is one of the most powerful things we get to do in life. We can turn a terrible situation into a good one, simply with our mindset. It's all about perspective. Looking at the same situation with a different lens and using different tools to navigate life is truly the best way to still live the life you want, even if it wasn't the original plan. Life can still be fruitful and amazing, it may just be a little different. However, I would argue that there is an important step you have to do before you can adapt, and that is grieve.
Right now, we are watching the lives we built and envisioned crumble and fall apart, and it is truly beyond our control. Businesses are going bust, people are losing loved ones, mental health is becoming harder to maintain. It's not an ideal situation at all and we really need to stop pretending like it's not a loss. It's a HUGE loss. I've been excited for a graduation since I was in school and suddenly I'm being told that the reality is, I won't get that experience. I won't get to walk across the stage in a cap and gown, receiving the degree I worked so hard for. People are getting married to the love of their life but when they planned to have 200 guests, now have to pick like 15 people or however many it is. People are becoming parents and their child isn't even able to meet grandparents or have play dates with other babies. People are losing family and friends and they can't even have a proper send off. IT'S TRAUMATIC. What we are experiencing is traumatic. It may not be as traumatic as other things that society has dealt with but it is a tragedy. It's traumatic to be scared of catching or passing a deadly virus just in a supermarket. It's traumatic to not see your friends or even family for almost a year. It's traumatic to lose the life you thought you would have. I'm in my early 20s and I've seen my friends more over FaceTime than I have in person. I've had to spend my final year of university online and haven't been to a single social in almost a year. It's tough and we have to let ourselves grieve.
Allow yourself to grieve the life you're not living. Allow yourself to grieve the life you may never get to live. Now I'm not saying you can't live an amazing life, and that life won't eventually be fun again, but the reality is that it won't be the same. There will be a new normal and it all goes back to adapting. But before you can embrace change, you have to mourn the past. You have to let yourself be angry at what is happening. You have to let yourself cry. You have to let yourself think. It's OK to hurt. In fact, it's healthy to hurt. It's healthy to feel things. Don't feel like you have to just carry on and go with the flow. Let yourself mourn. We're mourning losses. Everyone is mourning something and the only way we can see the light at the end of the tunnel is to walk through the darkness. Being positive isn't about avoiding or denying the negative, it's about feeling it but choosing not to stay there.
In the first lockdown, I went through my grieving stage and it was everything I needed. I let myself cry (a lot), I allowed myself to be frustrated and angry. But then I picked myself up and said, now you've grieved, where do we go from here? Once I let go of what I lost, and let go of the hurt that was built up, I was able to embrace change. I used my time wisely because I gave myself time to do nothing. I grew and developed because I let myself learn more about myself. I took the time to understand my mind and character. I overcome all of my insecurities because I took the time to understand why I felt the way I did in the first place. Don't skip the grieving process.
Now I can find joy in the little things. I find joy in just waking up in the morning, despite the fact that I know I won't be leaving my house. I get excited to FaceTime my friends and laugh until my stomach hurts, even though I can count on one hand how many times I physically saw them last year. I get excited to write in my journal at the end of the day and list my daily gratitude, despite life being nothing like I imagined it to be at 21. This lockdown has been great for me, and it's not because I haven't experienced negative things in this pandemic, it's because I grieved. Don't get me wrong, like everyone I have my moments of frustration here and there. Just last night, I was in bed feeling down because I haven't hugged my friends in so long. I miss physical intimacy and being able to be next to someone that I don't live with. However, the positives by far outweigh the struggles.
You don't have to be OK right now, but know that you will. I know this third lockdown has been SO difficult for many people and I really do feel it for everyone. If I didn't grieve, I'm sure I would be right there with you. It's frustrating to be here again. Life can feel repetitive and it feels like we're going absolutely nowhere. It's OK to feel like that. If you get anything out of this post, it's to let yourself grieve.
I don't know when life will be "back to normal" but it will eventually. For now, just let go of what you need to let go of and keep holding onto what you can and need. Hold onto knowing that as long as you have breath, you have purpose. Hold onto the memories that are to come and hold onto the little things that give you happiness.
Sending all my love to every single person reading. Please share with someone you feel needs to hear this too.
Thanks for reading,
Have a great day x
